Movie Review: The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1

Breaking Wind

Normally, I reserve movie reviews for films I’ve seen in the theater and relegate Blu-rays and DVDs to the movie of the week bin.  Seeing how I’ve completely dropped the ball on having regular movies of the week, I figured I could start reviewing movies that I’ve only seen at home.  First up… The Twilight Saga:  Breaking Dawn – Part 1.

Now… before you close this, or worse yet, throw something at your monitor in disgust at the mere mention of the word “Twilight”, allow me to explain my position on this series.  I have read the books… they are by no stretch of the imagination anything I would refer to as “good”, but I enjoyed them.  The story is a fairly compelling one, and ultimately, very relatable to women young and old… even though it is laughably silly and unrealistic.  In creating the characters of Edward and Bella, Stephanie Meyers managed to encapsulate the uber unattainable man and the overly self conscious teenage girl that can be found in every woman from here to Timbuktu. 

As for the movies… they began poorly, had a glimmer of something decent in the first sequel, then quickly devolved into a near parody of itself.  The latest film, the first part of two… which is really just taken from one book ala Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, travels down that same road of mediocrity the previous film started down, and is now headed towards the bargain bin.

First… the question I had to ask was, why make this book into two films?  I can understand the decision when it came to Harry Potter… it was a dense book with a great deal of information, a number of large set pieces and a fine finish for a venerable series.  Breaking Dawn as a novel was a bit of a let down.  Unlike Potter (this will be my last comparison between the two.  I only bring it up to contrast two book series that became film series with a built in crazy fan base), the writing didn’t necessarily improve over the course of each book… instead, the first and third in the series are the two I would count as my favorites, whereas the second and fourth paled in comparison.  What I’m ultimately getting at here is that both media… books and film… were inconsistent in quality and had no correlation between better book and better movie.

I suppose I should review the movie at hand as opposed to the franchise… I couldn’t stand it.  The wedding felt rushed… the honeymoon played out as though the director had never had sex before and had over romanticized this scene to laughable results… all the actors were wooden… the pacing was atrocious, the camera would linger on things for way too long while hurrying through others… anytime the “wolf pack” showed up, logic and any semblance of sense went out the window (much is made in the novels and previous films about how when they become wolves their clothes get shredded and are usually shirtless… not this time.  Apparently they change back into human form completely dressed… even though we see clothes shredding)… and I won’t even get into how they dealt with the shared thoughts of the wolf pack… again, laughable.

I will say one good thing… Kristen Stewart looked like shit when her body was wasting away during her pregnancy and the CGI used in those scenes were horrifying and believable.  I think I even saw both her and Robert Pattinson smile early on… that was nice.  Other than that… I don’t believe I have anything positive to say about Breaking Dawn – Part 1.

I am somewhat of a completionist… I will see Breaking Dawn – Part 2 when it is released (at least on Blu-ray).  I’m glad I waited to see this at home as opposed to feeling trapped for two hours.  I have rarely turned a movie off midway through, but was tempted last night.  I could only recommend this movie to the most die hard fans of this franchise… anyone else would recognize this film for the steaming pile of poo that it is.

Breaking Yawn,
Cornelius J. Blahg

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *