Coming Soon: Rise of the Planet of the Apes (August 11, 2011)

His Franconess

“How do you feel about Planet of the Apes?”  “The movie or the planet?”

I am a fan of the original Planet of the Apes.  The 1968 science fiction blockbuster starring Charlton Heston and Roddy McDowall is one of the finest in its genre… the subsequent sequels, not so much… and the 2001 Tim Burton “reimagining”, pure unadulterated shit.  So when I first heard there was going to be a prequel based on the fourth movie in the franchise, Conquest of the Planet of the Apes (which is my second favorite in the series), I was skeptical to say the least.  Then I saw the cast, heard the basic plot and now have seen a five second clip… I’m less concerned.

The original prequel, Conquest…, was based on the events at the end of the second film and the third film.  At the end of Beneath the Planet of the Apes, Zira and Cornelius (great name that ape had… no?) have escaped the planet via spacecraft and went back in time to the early 70’s, this is now Escape From the Planet of the Apes, where they mate and have little baby Caesar… named after the salad… no, he picked out his own name in Conquest… While under the tutelage of Ricardo Montalban, Caesar sees the injustice being done to his kind as apes are used as slaves for lazy humans and he unionizes the apes into, what was based off of the Watts riots, a very lame overthrow of their human overlords… thus, as Caesar so aptly says, “the birth of the Planet of the Apes!”

In this prequel, James Franco will be a genetic engineer in San Francisco… that’s all we know so far.  Andy Sirkis (Gollum, King Kong, weird producer in 24 Hour Party People) will be Caesar, and that is always a good sign.  Also on board are Freida Pinto and the wonderful Brian Cox.  I know nothing of the director, Rupert Wyatt… but hey… who knows.  I’m happy we are going to be allowed to try and forget Burton’s fiasco (please note… Mark Wahlburg is great… I’m a fan… but he cannot play science teachers or astronauts.  Porn stars… yes.  Boxers… yes.  Cops… yes.  Hot guy with shirt off… yes.  Smart guy… fuck no).

So enjoy the five second clip below from WETA (Peter Jackson’s NZ team that brought us LOTR) of what seems to be a frighteningly real looking intelligent ape.

Now can you guess Mrs. Blahg’s first name…
Cornelius J. Blahg

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